Continuing my one-class-at-a-time grad school program, I'm taking New Testament 1 (NTI). Class started August 24th and so far it's going well. I've handed in 1 assignment and taken 1 quiz, but I haven't received them back yet. Paper #2 and quiz #2 are coming up next Monday.
NTI is an introductory course to New Testament studies that focuses on the 4 Gospels. The rest of the New Testament is covered in (you guessed it) NT2. I was fully prepared to be shaken up by this course, but one can only prepare so much. I knew it'd be tough because 1) it's grad school people, undergrad is sooo yesterday. 2) my professor is one of the top scholars in NT studies and knowing several people who've taken his courses let me know how tough he is. 3) the only Biblical studies background I have is attending church my entire life and participating in some small group Bible studies (which one quickly learns in seminary that those actually don't count as background in Biblical Studies).
Other than those 3 reasons, I'm finding this class very challenging in my faith. I'm not questioning my faith per say. I still love Jesus, and if anything this class is igniting the desire to study even more; to learn about Jesus more. But for every answer that I find or learn about, for instance the canon of the OT and NT, the more questions I have. I feel that instead of finding all the answers, I'm simply finding more questions. One the one hand, it's frustrating because I just want a simple answer. But, as anyone of faith knows - there are no simple answers. I know this of course and I certainly did NOT think that seminary would give me all the answers or that it would be simple. But I don't think I was prepared for this struggle. I honestly don't think I can explain all of my questions. Sometimes it's not so much questions, but just grasping to understand the true depth of this study and not knowing where to begin. I'm not the first person to have these questions. Scholars who have spent their lives studying the Bible still debate about things and don't know all the answers - so I certainly can't expect to find them in few weeks of seminary.
I mentioned above that I have paper #2 due on Monday. It's a 5 page paper on the book of John and self-centeredness. I was talking with a friend about it just yesterday and she asked me a question that made me think. She asked, what do I want to get out of John. I realized after thinking for a minute, that I want anything. I want to see something new. Sure I've read the Gospels. I've read a lot of books in the bible (thought not the entire thing as of yet). And I'm not naieve to think that I don't have to re-read anything that I've read because I've got it all figured out. I know that I don't know much, if anything. I've interpreted verses wrong and I've read with a self-centered hermeneutic. I know that there is forever so much to learn from scripture. But it's hard to approach a text that I've read so many times before and not think "been there, done that" and move on to something else. I want God to show me something more; something new. I realize that I have no control over this. It's up to God to do that and up to me to be open to it.
Do any of you out there ever crave to see something new from God? Something different? I want to read the Bible again and see it in a fresh new way. To approach the scriptures and not have that "I've heard this parable a thousand times" feeling in the back of my head. I explained this to my friend who had asked me the question and she said something very encouraging. She said that all of this sounds like a very beautiful prayer. A prayer for God to show himself to me. A prayer for how I can know Him more. I don't know when He'll answer this prayer or how... but I'll keep praying until He does and then some.
C
No comments:
Post a Comment